Sep 14, 2008

Posted in Amusing, Tae Kwon Do | 0 Comments

My early mid-life crisis

There’s nothing like suffering a crippling, minor injury to send a gal like me spiraling into a premature mid-life crisis. I haven’t blogged in ages and I apologize for the AWOLness, but I’ve been down for the count.

This intimidating bit of footwear is unfortunately, part of my fall wardrobe for the next several weeks. It’s hot, heavy, itchy and takes a million years to strap on and manages to attract all household lint and cat hair within a ten-mile radius.

If you’re feeling jealous and wondering how you too can incorporate Darth Vader’s ski boot into your shoewear collection, it’s simple really. Just take a grueling taekwondo class in the morning, then chase after a feral two-year old all day and voila!, you too can develop peroneal tendonitis.

Luckily, this cam boot is a walking cast that has allowed me to maintain some semblance of a routine, albeit awkwardly. My toddler son has quickly figured out that he can outrun me easily now and takes full advantage at every opportunity. It has been humbling and quite the eye-opener to be temporary disabled. My podiatrist joked that the perks of wearing this ugly cast would be all the sympathy I’d receive.  And he was right. Not only have I been the recipient of extra doting from my husband, but I’ve also been the recipient of much unwanted sympathy from total strangers, many of them skeevy men and senior citizens.

Let me tell you right now single gals. Strap one of these casts on for a week and you’ll be beating the men off with a stick. Seriously. Unfortunately, they may not be the men you’d want but the genius of the this foot wear is that it hurts like a mother if you kick or stomp on someone (I should know since I’ve managed to kick and step on my other foot with this thing on and it’s sheer luck I don’t need two now), so it makes for an effective self-defense weapon as well.  Maybe it’s just a good conversation starter, attention grabber or it just makes you look so darn vulnerable. Whatever the reason, this married mom of two has had more strange men hit on her in a single week than she’s had in 15 years of togetherness with her husband.

My theory is that men are much like the predators on a savannah. They always know to cull that lone wildebeest or gazelle who is injured or weakened in some way. And nothing signals helplessness or vulnerability like a cast.

The other demographic who find me oh-so-approachable now is the senior set. They push their walkers right up to me and demand to know how I got my injury so they can commiserate with me about how they broke their arm/wrist/hip/foot. At 37 going on 38, this gives me a chilling preview of my not-so-distant future. I’ve never truly confronted aging up to this point because my good Korean genes have kept me looking a good ten years younger than my age. But this past year alone has been one karate injury after another, forcing me to confront the reality that the factory warranty on my bod is expired.

The horror of this epiphany has really put me in a funk. I’ve been officially benched by my podiatrist for several weeks from doing taekwondo so I don’t have my usual exercise as an outlet. So I’ve been sulking and brooding so much that I’ve lost four pounds in two weeks. Like a caged bird, I’ve stopped eating. Usually, I can count on Ben & Jerry to cheer me up, but I’ve lost all appetite and enjoyment in food.

I wonder what the next manifestation of this mid-life crisis of mine will be? Will I become a puma/cougar and squeeze myself into too-tight outfits from Forever 21 and prey on college freshmen? Will I suddenly decide I need some kind of plastic surgery to freshen myself up? Or leave my family and join an ashram and do yoga until I collapse? Probably none of the above.  I simply don’t have that flair for drama.

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

More in Amusing, Tae Kwon Do (6 of 6 articles)