May 10, 2012

Posted in Amusing, Current Events, Parenting | 0 Comments

Are You Mom Enough, Bitches!?

Are You Mom Enough, Bitches!?

Just in time for Mother’s Day, TIME has a heartwarming issue which throws down the gauntlet in the never-ending mommy wars. My comments for TIME magazine at this time are simply, “Fuck you!”

Pardon my unladylike language, but the smug, hot mom breastfeeding a Kindergartener and the inflammatory challenge, “Are you mom enough?” is a calculated salvo (and a fuck you) directed towards all moms in the hopes of starting a world class cat fight. I’m a big fan of the “Hunger Games” but this dystopian society has nothing on the ultimate gladiatorial bloodsport that is modern motherhood. We can’t seem to get enough of The Mommy War Games as entertainment and pitting moms against each other so we can scratch each other’s sleep-deprived eyes out with chipped manicures over super important issues like breastfeeding vs. formula feeding or co-sleeping vs. cry-it-out. The best gift you can give a new mom is a hockey mask to protect her from the sanctimommies who are capable of cutting a bitch over the importance of using cloth diapers.

But unlike the “Hunger Games,” I’m not sure what the prize is at the end of all this mama drama except the dubious title of best. mom. ever. Yeah, congratulations on that.

In my utopian society, moms would recognize this magazine cover as a transparently divisive ploy to waste our precious energy fighting amongst ourselves and refuse to take the bait. They’ll refuse to doubt themselves with the question, “Are YOU mom enough?” As for me, I’m a deeply flawed, multitasking mom who spends way too much time on facebook and needs to serve more vegetables at dinner. But my kids are loving and loyal and they think I’m mom enough and in the end, that’s all I give a shit about.

So let the Ten Millionth Mommy War Games Begin! But the odds are NEVER in your favor.

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