Jan 10, 2011

Posted in Amusing, Current Events, Parenting | 0 Comments

My Top Ten List of MILPS (MOMS I’D LIKE TO PUNCH)

Once upon a time, I wrote an article on SheKnows about the growing phenomenon of MILPS (Moms I’d Like to Punch).  The beauty of this term is that it covers pretty much every category of uber-annoying mom out there. Subcategories can include: Sanctimommies, Germophobes, Hovercraft moms, Lactivists, Soccer Moms, Earth Mothers, etc.

Everyone has their own personal list of MILPS that really get their organic cotton panties in a bunch. Here’s my personal list. Judgmental and sanctimonious, much? You betcha!

10.  Angelina Jolie – I know, I know. She’s a UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador and her brood of multi-cultural children make her household a perpetual “It’s a Small World Ride.” Plus, she’s married to the delicious Brad Pitt. So, why do I still want to sock her right in her pillowy kisser?

9.  Mayumi Heene – For being married to a douche bag. And, oh yeah, that whole balloon boy hoax.

8.  Katie Holmes – Ditto to the first sentence above.

7.  Gisele Bundchen – Her general smugness and preachiness declaring there should be a “worldwide law” requiring moms to breastfeed. Too bad there isn’t a worldwide law to enforce rich, celebrity moms with a full-time staff of nannies, cooks and personal trainers to “shut the f*ck up” whenever they dispense parenting advice.

6. Octomom – For 8 reasons.

5.  Rielle Hunter – For being a skanky ho. Plus, I can’t stand her dumb, made-up name. She gets a double-jab punch.

4.  Jessica Seinfeld – For trying to pass her cookbook off as a work of non-fiction. When I got to the part about how she spends her Sunday nights pureeing vegetables in the kitchen with her hubby, I laughed so hard I spurted coffee out my nose. Ouch!

3.  Michelle Duggar – I know this sounds irrational and totally shallow, but mostly because I hate her mullet.

2.  Gwyneth Paltrow – She’s the mom I’d have an unrequited girl crush on and would never return my multiple calls for playdates.

1.  Sarah Palin - Ah yes, the Mama Grizzly herself. I don’t need to draw a crosshairs on her face to deliver a giant haymaker to the nose.

It was kind of hard to pick just ten MILPS, so I’m sure I missed some crucial names. Please share your personal list in the comments below or you can even add me to the list.

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